Choosing Your Labor Support Team

Giving birth comes with an intense mix of emotions.  Most people find that having a support person (or a few support people) by their side at the hospital helps them to feel they are in a calm, loving and supportive environment.

But how do you decide who is the best choice to hold your hand as you bring your baby into the world? A good labor team supports both your physical and emotional needs. They need to:

• Advocate for you and your birth wishes in the event you cannot advocate for yourself.
• Focus on how to help you feel most comfortable and supported – and listen to you without you having to worry about being overly courteous or polite.
• Help create a safe, non-judgmental space for you to cope as you see fit (such as making lots of noise!)
• Communicate with your care team. 
• Be comfortable in high-pressure situations that can get a little messy.
• Be willing to really get in there and help no matter what is needed or how long it takes (such as providing counter pressure or a gentle hand or foot massage.) This is not a spectator sport!

Now that you know the type of person to choose, let’s take a look at some of your options for who you may want to be in the labor and delivery room with you.

Your partner

In the US, having your partner as your primary labor support person is by far the most common choice for pregnant people. They can provide so much more than just a drive to the hospital! If you are giving birth with a partner, they can be a great option as they know you best and can therefore support you best. And most partners report that watching their child’s birth is a bonding, life-changing experience.

Friends and family

There are lots of reasons why choosing your partner may not be the best choice for you. Maybe you don’t have a partner or your partner will not be available. Or maybe your partner gets anxious or squeamish or you don’t think they will support you in the way you need to be supported. In those cases, consider your close friends or family members. After all, women have supported each other through labor since the beginning of time!

Professional doula

Some women prefer to bring in a labor support professional such as a doula (which in ancient Greek means “woman’s servant.”) Doulas are specially trained to support your well-being through pregnancy, childbirth and even during early postpartum. Since this person will be there for a very big moment in your life, beyond getting references and recommendations from other moms, the most important thing is that you actually like your doula! Meet in advance to make sure your doula understands your wishes and how you’d like to be supported. Our doctors, midwives and nurses are experienced in working alongside doulas, and they make a fabulous addition to your support team.

Go it alone

Maybe you just can’t figure out the perfect support person or they aren’t available when the day comes. You are strong - you can do this. In truth, you will never be alone during your labor because you’ll have the support of the magical type of human that is a labor and delivery nurse by your side. These special nurses are trained to support your choices, help you stay calm, find positions that work for you and coach you through all the phases of labor. Many laboring patients report that their labor and delivery nurses felt like their best friend and advocate throughout their birth journey.

Mix and match

You can also choose a mix of the above! You can have your sister be the one by your side but your partner still close by in the room. You can labor with your doula and have your best friend join you once you have moved to postpartum with your baby. You can hire a doula to support both you and your partner - giving them breaks, helping them to understand what is happening and how to better support you. You can labor alone, but then when you transition to pushing, have your partner or someone else be there for the actual birth. And if you tried it one way for the birth of your first child, feel free to switch it up for any other births.

Whoever you choose, be sure you involve your labor support team in creating your birth plan and be very specific about the ways you think you’d like to be supported. Other tips on preparing your supporters are:

• Attend classes together so they understand what will be happening with you and your baby during the various stages of labor.
• Set their expectations and let them know not to take things personally. Some examples of things you may want to communicate: It might be messy. You might not be your sweetest. You might make a lot of noise. You might change your mind on what you want. You might be visibly in pain and at times in a “primal” state. 
• Make sure they know they are there for your support, and they’ll need to take care of their own needs. They should be sure to pack warm clothing, food, water, comfortable shoes and anything else they think they might need. 
• If you have a birth plan, share it with your support team and explain why you indicated the preferences you have chosen. Discuss your contingency plans if your labor goes differently than expected.
• Communicate your preferences about what types of photos and videos you want taken and when. (You don’t want this guy in your delivery room. Actually, if you read the story, that selfie made his wife laugh and distracted her. He was the perfect birth partner for her!)
• Give them space to ask lots and lots of questions.

Choosing who will be by your side when you deliver your baby is a big decision you have to make. But ultimately it’s just that - your decision.  You carried this baby for nine months - you get to choose who will be there when he or she is born! Put some thought into this very important part of the birth of your baby.

Supporting health, wellness and community in pregnancy and parenthood.

 For more learning and coaching from our experts at VHC Health™, we recommend VHC OB Journey which is chock full of information and resources:

• Download the app
  • Track your baby’s growth and count their kicks
  • Learn other mom’s birth stories
  • Watch helpful laboring and breastfeeding techniques
  • Learn everything you need to know about having a baby at VHC Health™
  • Log your baby’s feeding schedule
• Take classes such as our Advanced Comfort for Unmedicated Birth
• Attend free weekly Zoom sessions from our childbirth education team sharing important information about your stay
• Review our checklist for expectant parents
• Take a virtual labor and delivery tour
• Understand our labor and delivery visitor policy